The Unhappiest People on Earth?

Is the definition of success in direct dis-proportion to an individual's sense of self-worth?

I ask this question because I am increasingly concerned about the surge of get-rich schemes, books, blog posts, podcasts and pop-ups that throng the internet and even the shelves of bookshops.
Is there a gross dissatisfaction amongst the populous? Why are people who already have money apparently desperate to have more? When is enough enough?

I have a theory that the success defined by capitalism (that is, the amount of wealth you can personally create) is an indicator of the hollow emptiness in the lives of people who believe that materialism is the key to happiness. You don't have to go far to see the impact of this ideology: any number of ads on TV, in magazines, on websites or on hoardings along the high street aim to convince us that having more is essential to your happiness and your well-being.

Well, if that's the case, then it completely rules out the chance of happiness or well-being for anyone who happens to be in a wage bracket that doesn't allow for spending on this scale - but why shouldn't less financially-advantaged people be able to access happiness and well-being?

Just given the stories of wealthy individuals who are patently unhappy doesn't convince me that financial success equals happiness - so, just what is going on and what are all these get-rich perpetrators trying to achieve or convince us of - that I can't possibly be happy in my present circumstances...? Or are they just the unhappiest people on earth inviting us to their party?

That begs a definition of happiness, I guess, but I started by asking a question about the definition of success.

I love Bob Dylan's quote:

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night
and in between does what he wants to do.

 

Although one could argue that a man who has experienced the success that he has can say anything he likes about success and get away with it. What is success to the common man?

 

A guy I once knew demonstrated for me what I believe is success: he was a cleaner at a school I once worked at. He did the very best he could at that job and he did it cheerfully. He was one of the most popular people in the school. He worked very hard, he enjoyed what he did and he tried to make sure that what he did made others happy. In giving happiness, he received much in return: popularity, thanks, appreciation, warmth - and, I'm sure, happiness. For me, he was a successful human being. Just how successful is open to interpretation but, if he continues in that vein, surely, that man will die happy.

 

I'm not here to define success or happiness - just simply to question the status quo. Personally, I know that money does not make me happy - people I share my life with make me happy (see my last post).

 

Comments welcome...!

The Receipt of Happiness

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

Dalai Lama

I hadn't meant to leave it quite so long to update this blog (although I have been posting on one of my other blogs, Live Learn Lead, every few days). And I have been wondering whether I should combine these two blogs because learning to live, learn and lead better surely leads to greater happiness?

I had also intended to post on the theme 'The Discipline of Happiness' but I will leave that until another time as I wanted to get some thoughts down on another theme: 'The Receipt of Happiness'.

In my last post, I suggested that anyone looking for happiness is going the wrong way about it. However, because this does generally seem to be the case (people look for happiness), the commercial sector are milking the opportunity for all its worth, be it selling holidays in the sun, online dating, fashion, self-help books, quick ways to make money - or the latest gadget. All of this is promised (implicitly, if not explicitly) to make you happier.

Balderdash!

Even Zig Ziglar pithily observes: 'Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves.'

Consider what actually gives you happiness (notice I use the word 'give' - you cannot actually buy happiness). And consider the occasions when you reflect on the fact that you are, in fact, happy - and what it is you are doing (not what it is you have just paid for).

First of all, happiness is not, I believe, some esoteric feeling that arises as a result of some circumstantial event - planned or unplanned. Secondly, happiness is not an occasional feeling of ecstasy but an undercurrent of contentment or fulfilment. I think Doug Larson was correct in his conclusion: 'The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.' People are missing the point and, because of that, they are missing out on happiness.

I really believe happiness is a gift - and as with all gifts, we have to open it and appreciate it. This gift is given through the interactions we have with people and through what we mean to them and they mean to us. This gift is given when we actively seek to make others happy and see the impact. The gift is given, in fact, when we give it to others. In Gretta Brooker Palmer's words: 'Happiness is a by-product of an effort to make someone else happy.'

However, for many of us, this gift becomes cluttered or lost or buried with the inevitable dross of live: we allow the unhappy events of life to smother the happiness of living. (More on that in another post!)

Chasing after happiness is the wrong way to go about it - and not just because it's wrong (because of social etiquette) to chase after gifts: they are a free-will extension of another's affection for us - because of what we mean to them. Chasing after happiness is like currying favour or hunting for compliments - it is meaningless, unsatisfying, demeaning - and it only makes happiness more elusive. We should, in fact, be directing our energies to making others happy - and watch for the happiness we receive in return. Who hasn't experienced happiness on seeing the smile we put on someone else's face? How did that smile get there? Not by chasing happiness, that's for sure.

I suggest that we forget about trying to be happy and try, instead, to be someone else's happiness.

I hope you are in receipt of happiness. How did that happen? On whose face have you put a smile on recently? Do you agree that happiness is an undercurrent rather than a temporal feeling? Please feel free to contribute your thoughts on this: I look forward to reading your comments.

Phil